


Communication

by Corvid_Knight



Series: Integrated Worlds [11]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, confession x2 combo!, my tumblr is knight-of-heart-and-art, relationship sheningans, they're so fucking dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-30 07:08:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14491530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvid_Knight/pseuds/Corvid_Knight
Summary: John's getting messages from both of his best bros asking for advice. He just wants to go back to sleep.





	1. Chapter 1

Usually you turn your pesterchum off at night. Or mute it, at least. Sometimes you do tend to forget, though, which leads to times like now, when you wake up at—where the hell are your glasses—

2:46. Oh god why. Why in the name of everything do you have friends who'll text you at 2:46 in the morning. You need to rethink your life. 

Your phone makes a weird doubled beep that you've never heard out of it before, and you sigh and grab it off the shelf, more out of curiosity than any real desire to see who's messaging you. 

The weird quality of the beep is, apparently, because Dave and Karkat managed to message you at more-or-less the exact same time. Interesting. 

Because his chumhandle's first alphabetically, you open Karkat's first. 

carcinoGeneticist (CG) started pestering ectoBiologist (EB)!

CG: JOHN.   
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE ONLINE, I CAN SEE YOU. CHECK YOUR FUCKING MESSAGES.  
CG: I NEED INFORMATION ON HUMANS.   
CG: PAY ATTENTION TO ME FUCKER.

EB: okay okay calm down!  
EB: geez karkat have you ever heard of "forgetting to log off for the night?" 

CG: NO. 

EB: rude.

CG: ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK. 

EB: we all already know you don't, so i'm not going to ask.   
EB: what kind of info do you need and why do you need it at three in the morning?

...okay, Karkat's looks like he's going to be typing for a while. While he doing that, you might as well see what Dave wants. 

turntechGodhead (TG) started pestering ectoBiologist (EB)! 

TG: so youre probably not online but on the off chance that you are  
TG: at what point does liking a guy become gay   
TG: like its not gay if youre just doing stuff with him   
TG: you can fuck a guy and have it be not gay

EB: dave what the fuck. 

TG: what

EB: are you saying you had sex with a guy and then said "no homo?" you can't do that, that's not how it works!

TG: i didnt have sex with him  
TG: dude i dont even know if he wants to have sex with me  
TG: or if i could handle having sex with him  
TG: also saying the words "having sex" immediately makes everything like ten times stupider  
TG: why are we talking about this

EB: because you messaged me at three in the morning talking about how you can fuck a guy and have it not be gay?

TG: oh   
TG: yeah that wasnt even what i meant   
TG: not really sure where i was going with that but like at what point does shit start being gay

EB: dave, i have no idea what youre asking here.

TG: i like a guy  
TG: like 

Fuck, Karkat's messaging you again. You guess you can let Dave ramble out whatever he's trying to ask you while you see what Karkat's problem is. 

CG: SO I HAVE NO CLUE HOW MUCH YOU ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT QUADRANTS, BUT I'M GOING TO ASSUME THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING BECAUSE ALL HUMAN MALES SEEM TO BE BLITHERING IDIOTS WHEN IT COMES TO ROMANCE OF ALL FLAVORS. I'M COUNTING YOUR OWN KIND OF ROMANCE IN WITH THAT, BY THE WAY; NONE OF YOU NOOKBRAINS SEEN TO HAVE THE SLIGHTEST FUCKING CLUE OF WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING. ANYWAY, I GET THAT YOU (AS IN HUMANS) JUST FUCKING LUMP THE PALE QUADRANT AND THE RED TOGETHER HALF THE FUCKING TIME, AND YOU'RE PALE FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING ON OR OFF THIS STUPID PLANET INCLUDING A FUCKLOAD OF THINGS THAT CAN AND WILL KILL YOU. I GET THAT YOU DON'T SEE MOIRAILLEGANCE AS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE EXCLUSIVE TO ONE COUPLE, AND I ACTUALLY GET THAT ONE—YOU HAVE SO MUCH NEED FOR VALIDATION THAT IT'S FUCKING AMAZING. I FEEL LIKE MY SPECIES COULD ACTUALLY TAKE SOME FUCKING LESSONS FROM YOU ON THE WHOLE BEING POLYAM IN THE PALE QUADRANT THING.   
CG: ANYWAY I'M SO FUCKING OFF TOPIC. I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO HANDLE HAVING RED FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE YOU KNOW YOU'RE PALE FOR, AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE ONLINE WHO ISN'T RELATED TO ME OR THE GUY I'M HAVING THE FEELINGS FOR. PLUS YOU'RE HUMAN SO YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT. 

EB: i have absolutely no idea what you want from me. 

CG: I'M FLUSHED FOR MY GODDAMN MOIRAIL AND MY SPECIES IS NOT EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THIS SHIT.   
CG: YOURS, DESPITE ALL YOUR OTHER FAILINGS, IS.   
CG: ALSO I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE'S ANY OTHER TABOOS NOBODY BOTHERED TO TELL ME ABOUT SO I DON'T END UP FREAKING HIM THE FUCK OUT WHEN I TELL HIM I LIKE HIM. 

EB: are you asking me how to ask a friend out? is that whats going on here? 

CG: ...YES?

You have to resist the urge to get out of bed, walk over to the wall, and slam your face into it. Why the actual fuck is he coming to you for this advice? You've never even really had a crush, let alone asked anybody out. 

...okay, that first thing isn't really true. You _do_ like somebody. But you don't know if he's even single. 

You think he is? 

You need to find out if he is. Maybe you could ask him out. Or at least, like, talk to him about the likelihood of him saying yes if you did ask him out. 

This is not helping either Dave or Karkat. You don't even know what to say to Karkat. 

Time to go back to Dave for the moment. 

And yep, he's been rambling while you left him unattended. Fuck that's a lot of red text.

TG: we hang out a lot and weve got one of those weird troll relationships but its in the pale quadrant not the red one so technically thats not gay right  
TG: but i want  
TG: look dont get me wrong if he wants to keep shit how it is i can live with that  
TG: fuck man hes the one who got me back to almost normal after bro got arrested more than anybody else did yknow  
TG: like that sounds kinda harsh on dirk and d and even you but i fucking   
TG: i needed him so much   
TG: and he just fucking knew what i needed to hear and when i needed someone around and he was there saying that shit and keeping me from doing more stupid stuff the whole time  
TG: which is what moirails do apparently   
TG: like theyre supposed to keep each other mentally okay and its okay to be cuddly and touchy and shit  
TG: but now i look at him and it doesnt feel pale   
TG: it doesnt feel like friend shit john   
TG: it feels gay  
TG: i feel gay and it feels weird and i dont even know if hed be okay with this  
TG: what am i supposed to do if hes not okay with it  
TG: what if i try to talk to him and he thinks i think i fucking deserve to have the kind of relationship i want instead of what he wants  
TG: like id never fucking force him into anything but what if he thinks i would and decides he doesnt even want the pale shit anymore  
TG: fuck he could decide he doesnt even want to be friends 

EB: dave. 

TG: id rather die than make him hate me like that

EB: earth to dave, come back down from planet panic? 

TG: ...  
TG: im not panicking 

EB: i bet five bucks you're hyperventilating right now. 

TG: ...

EB: you owe me five bucks. 

TG: i didnt agree to this bet john   
TG: youre also not fucking helping here

EB: i kind of lost track of whether this about you freaking out over maybe being gay or freaking out over the possibility of being rejected.   
EB: why are you messaging me instead of rose again? she knows more about sexuality and stuff than i do.   
EB: like all i know is that im probably bi and definitely some kind of ace because theres like one guy id want to do stuff with and i really dont feel like i need to do stuff with him, i just would if he wanted to. 

TG: yeah we all know you have a crush on dirk 

EB: don't call it that! 

TG: you have a cute gay crush on my cousin 

EB: weren't we talking about YOUR crush? 

TG: okay mine really isnt a crush come on   
TG: im already in a weird troll thing with karkat i just need help with whether im allowed to make it more of a gay thing with him 

EB: so this is about karkat? 

TG: goddamnit 

And he's typing again. And Karkat's been sending you messages this whole time. 

You really want to just go to sleep. 

CG: COME ON, AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO ADMIT IT YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THIS BETTER THAN ME.  
CG: MOSTLY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO JUST FLIP INTO ANOTHER QUADRANT. I DON'T THINK DAVE COULD HANDLE ME JUST GOING PURE RED ON HIM.   
CG: HE NEEDS A MOIRAIL AND HE DOESN'T FUCKING TRUST ANYBODY ELSE TO BE THAT PERSON FOR HIM. FUCK, I DON'T THINK I'D WANT HIM TO.   
CG: AS MUCH AS I WANT TO GO RED FOR HIM, I LOOK AT HIM AND I WANT TO GET IN BETWEEN HIM AND ANYTHING THAT'D HURT HIM AND RIP IT TO FUCKING BLOODY SHREDS. I WANT HIM IN EVERY QUADRANT AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.   
CG: EGBERT, IF YOU FELL ASLEEP ON ME I'M GOING TO COME OVER TO YOUR PLACE AND SHOVE THE SHARPEST THING IN YOUR HIVE UP YOUR INATTENTIVE ASS. 

EB: first off it's too early for me to pay attention and you know it, shut up.   
EB: second   
EB: this is about dave?

CG: WHO THE FUCK ELSE WOULD IT BE ABOUT? I WOULDN'T CALL YOU FOR A TROLL! A TROLL WOULD KNOW HOW TO VACILLATE LIKE A NORMAL FUNCTIONING PERSON!   
CG: ACTUALLY FORGET THAT LAST, I DON'T WANT A NORMAL FUNCTIONING PERSON. I WANT HIM. DAVE.   
CG: WHICH SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT ME.   
CG: FUCK. 

This time, you do it. You set your phone down, get up out of bed, and very deliberately slam your forehead into the wall. Thankfully your dad isn't home to come investigate the noise. 

You're going to kill them. Both of them. Both of your stupid gay idiot friends who can't just talk to each other like reasonable goddamn adults. Who have to message _you,_ at 3:24 in the morning—wow, you've been talking longer than you thought—and be so oblique that it's a miracle you've figured out what's going on. 

Your head is beginning to hurt, so you sit back down and grab your phone again, screenshotting both conversations. 

ectoBiologist (EB) created the memo "you're both IDIOTS!"   
ectoBiologist added turntechGodhead and carcinoGeneticist to "you're both IDIOTS!" 

TG: what

CG: I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE THIS? 

EB: oh my god. 

ectoBiologist pinned screenshot2.jpg to "you're both IDIOTS!"   
ectoBiologist pinned screenshot1.jpg to "you're both IDIOTS!" 

EB: look at those and tell me you're not both being really stupid. just look at them. 

CG: YOU CAN'T JUST SCREENSHOT THE SHIT I TELL YOU AND PUT IT IN A MEMO! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

TG: that was private you asshole

EB: ...  
EB: did you both only read one. did you both only open one. 

CG: I OPENED THE FIRST ONE, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT?

TG: i checked the one numbered first duh

EB: where are you? i really, really need to come shake some sense into both of you. separately, then together.  
EB: actually forget that, just read the other fucking screenshot. the one that isn't yours.   
EB: you're both the most ridiculous person i've ever met. i don't care if that doesn't make semantic sense. neither of you make sense either.   
EB: it's 3:30 and i've been trying to understand both of your guy's personal crisises at the same time when you could've been talking to each other.   
EB: ANYWAY. here you are, there's all the info you need. talk to each other, doofuses.   
EB: im going back to bed. 

ectoBiologist (EB) has left the memo! 

You should go back to bed. Get a couple more hours sleep.

Instead, you find yourself staring at who else is active online right now. There's only a couple, but the one you're seriously considering messaging is bright orange and has three green "active" dot next to his chumhandle. 

You do like him. 

Maybe now isn't the best time, but hey. Why not try? 

ectoBiologist (EB) started pestering timaeusTestified (TT)! 

EB: i know this is a weird time, but what would you say if i asked you out on a date? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk has to handle the aftermath of telling John yes when he (Dirk) was running on three days of no sleep.

Ow. 

Passing out after one of your legendary sleepless stretches is always a good thing—means you don't die from insomnia—but damn if waking up afterwards isn't a bitch. It's like sleep just wants to keep you, wrap you up and drag you down, hold you somewhere that's not quite death. 

To translate that out of pure half-awake angst, your head hurts, your mouth tastes like lint, and you can't get your eyes open. Side effect of sleeping for this long. 

The thousand-dollar question is exactly how long _this long_ is. You force your eyes open (possibly losing a few eyelashes to the gunk that's gluing them together) and feel around on the table for your phone, trying to locate it by touch alone rather than moving. 

...and there go your shades, right onto the floor. Dammit. 

But hey, at least you got the phone. 

The last chatlog is from 7:36 yesterday morning; right now it's 5:03 AM. Jesus fucking Christ. That's what, twenty-one hours? That has to be pretty damn close to a new record. Not one that you should be proud of. It'd probably worry D; he's always concerned when you sleep longer than ten hours, or stay awake more than two days or so. You're just happy that your disordered sleeping's gotten a little less frequent in the last couple months. Less stress, or something. For awhile there you were seriously wondering if it was going to kill you; even Hal was concerned, and he plays off almost every emotion relating to you other than amusement and brotherly scorn—

"Oh _fuck_."

Apparently, you were talking to John online last night. Yesterday morning. Whatever. You seriously thought you hallucinated that; it's not like you haven't had it happen before. But _usually,_ you don't plan dates when you're in that state. 

Time to panic?

Time to panic. 

Also time to pester your current boyfriend, who you can see is online. You wonder what time it is on Alternia. 

timaeusTestified (TT) started pestering golgothasTerror (GT)! 

GT: I see youve finally rejoined the land of the living!

TT: Unfortunately. 

GT: Awww.   
GT: Headache? 

TT: Kind of, but that's not today's problem.   
TT: I may have fucked up. 

timaeusTestified sent convo-with-john.jpeg! 

GT: Dirk.  
GT: d irk.  
GT: ssjjskk   
GT: uwiaokam 

TT: Stop. 

GT: Oh my lord dirk 

TT: You're laughing at me, aren't you. 

AI: He is. 

timaeusTestified blocked artificialIntellect! 

AI: Oh for the love of fuck. We both know that does absolutely nothing.

timaeusTestified blocked artificialIntellect!   
timaeusTestified blocked artificialIntellect! 

GT: Im going to give myself a stroke, dirk. I cant breathe. Holy fuck.

TT: It's not _that_ funny. 

GT: He asked if you were single and you gave him a paragraph on the multiplicity of healthy minds! 

TT: ...

GT: I cant believe that john asked you out. He mustve chosen the absolute worst time for it too—im guessing you were at what, three days? 

TT: Closer to four, but yeah.   
TT: In my defense, I didn't think it was really John. You've seen me when I'm close to crashing; "functioning" is not an operative word here.   
TT: Fuck. I'm sorry. I get that you're probably not okay with my dating someone you're related to. I'll talk to him, fix this shit. 

GT: You definitely ought to talk to him, but if you still want to keep the date i dont see why you shouldnt.   
GT: Although do tell him about us beforehand, wont you? He obviously doesnt know were dating. 

TT: God, that's going to be awkward. 

GT: Trust me, john makes everything awkward. It wont be anything new.   
GT: Ill message him later and explain that youre not cheating on me, just in case he doesnt believe you. 

TT: You sure you're okay? Again, he _is_ related to you. I'd rather not make our relationship weird. 

GT: Your relationship with him isnt quite connected to my relationship with either of you in a way thatd make it weird. I wont be dating him, after all.   
GT: You can always tell him youd like to put off the date for a few weeks, until im present to be included? 

TT: You're coming to Earth?   
TT: Oh thank god. You have no fucking idea how much I miss you. 

GT: Sweetheart, dont be stupid—of course i know. I miss you just as much, trust me.   
GT: The summoner and rufioh are planning a trip to visit tavros; i thought id tag along. Wed be coming sooner, but the damn planetary safety idiots are giving rufioh a hard time over his cybernetics, and we cant exactly just remove them. 

TT: Bastards.   
TT: I remember when D tried to take Hal and me back to Earth the first time; we ended up having to hack into the systems because there was no other way they'd let Hal through. 

GT: Hm.   
GT: I didnt think of that. 

AI: Do I need to do some data rearrangement? 

TT: Why do you even have a pesterchum if you're just going to shadow mine?

timaeusTestified blocked artificialIntellect! 

GT: Pffft. You two are adorable. 

AI: Are not. 

TT: Are not. 

GT: Thats precisely the sort of thing i mean! So cute.   
GT: Anyway, mituna should be travelling with us; he can screw with security enough for the scanners to miss rufiohs hardware, and im sure he can remove any records of it. 

AI: I'll go through and make sure he gets them all. I'm better equipped to bullshit the bureaucracy than Mituna is. 

TT: Hal. Message him in your own chat.

AI: No. Fuck you. 

timaeusTestified blocked artificialIntellect! 

GT: Hes trying to help, dirk. 

TT: Ugh.   
TT: I know, but he's also trying to wind me up. I'm going to have to talk to John in a bit; being pissed at Hal isn't going to help with that.   
TT: I wonder if being high would help. 

GT: It wouldnt and you know it. 

TT: I'd care less. 

GT: Are you going to make me come over there and smack some sense into you?

TT: If I say yes, are you going to do it? 

GT: In another week or two? Yes, i bloody well will. Itll be nice to be able to come restrain you from doing stupid things myself rather than sending someone else to do it.

TT: That's what you're looking forward to? 

GT: That and having you and rufioh both be sweet to me.   
GT: I want to fall asleep on the sofa with you. He wont sit still long enough to watch movies with me; i miss that. I want your sort of cuddles. 

TT: Now you're making me lonely. 

GT: :(   
GT: Go talk to john. 

TT: It's six in the morning here; I don't even know if he's up yet. 

GT: Sweetheart, youre on pesterchum. Theres this dandy little feature that pops up a flag if someones online.   
GT: I can see that hes online, so youre stalling. 

TT: You're so single-minded. 

GT: Thank god that thats the only single thing about me.  
GT: I need to go, dirk—go pester john for me, alright? I love you! 

golgothasTerror is an idle chum! 

TT: Love you too, Jake. 

Dammit, too slow. You'll chalk that up to not being all the way awake. 

John _is_ online.

...fine. 

timaeusTestified (TT) started pestering ectoBiologist (EB)!

TT: Uh. Hey. 

EB: oh hi dirk! are you okay?

TT: Mostly. Sorry for disappearing last night. Yesterday morning. Whenever it was.   
TT: I'm having issues. 

EB: haha i kind of figured you were. dave said you not answering messages was normal sometimes?

TT: Yeah. I was asleep.   
TT: Which is kind of what I need to talk to you about.   
TT: Well. Not me sleeping, really, but the fact that I was...let's say "in an altered state of consciousness" when you asked me out. 

EB: ...   
EB: if you changed your mind you can just say that. 

TT: That's really not what it is, I promise. Although you might change _your_ mind, once you have all the facts here. 

EB: and why would i do that? 

TT: Okay, so.   
TT: I have a boyfriend. 

EB: oh my god.  
EB: im going to kill dave.   
EB: he knew you had a boyfriend and fucking encouraged me to ask you out. oh my god. im so sorry. 

TT: It's not like that, I promise. You didn't fuck up here; that's all on me.   
TT: Look.   
TT: Jake and I, we date other people. And yeah, I know this probably comes across like cheating since I was fucked up enough to get distracted and dodge the question of whether I was single when you asked it, but Jake's okay with my going out with you. Although I'll totally understand if you want to back out now.   
TT: The rule is that I make sure that anyone I date knows what they're getting into, and I definitely broke that with you. 

EB: i mean technically youre doing that now, so i think its fine. at least you didnt wait until we were actually on the date?   
EB: like that would be a mess and id probably end up making some kind of scene in public. just imagine it. 

TT: I would prefer not to. 

EB: hahaha yeah i can understand that!   
EB: if youre sure jake would be okay with it and youre still okay with it i still want to try this, though. 

TT: You can message him if you don't believe me, but I did talk to him about this.

EB: shit, i didnt mean i didnt believe you dirk. 

TT: Yeah, but I get why you wouldn't.   
TT: Am I making this awkward?

EB: no.

AI: Yes. 

TT: God _fucking_ damn it, Hal. 

timaeusTestified blocked artificialIntellect! 

EB: okay, that was weird. 

TT: ...Hal has access to my pesterchum. I'm still trying to write a good enough firewall to keep him out. 

AI: Good luck with that. 

timaeusTestified blocked artificialIntellect! 

TT: He also has no fucking concept of privacy, sorry. 

EB: do you just keep blocking him? 

TT: Yes. It doesn't really do anything. 

EB: ...im not really sure what to do with this information.   
EB: i need to finish doing morning stuff, though. talk to you later? 

TT: Definitely. 

EB: awesome!  
EB: <3

ectoBiologist is an idle chum! 

You sigh and drop the phone on the bed next to you. Okay, that went better than you actually expected. 

Damn, but you hope this works out. John is too cute for you to fuck it up. 

...it'll work out. If you haven't fucked it up yet, you're not going to.

**Author's Note:**

> this is really fucking funny to me okay


End file.
